I need the oilcan tin man

Gee this one is a hard thing to put down. Lord I feel so inadeqant. I can't retain all the knowledge I need to change the situation I am in. When I do and try to put it to application, it seems that something always makes it a bad thing. I can't explain what I feel and thing in a sensiable way so that my children and friends understand it. I can't coherantly put together a simple plan to change what I need to change. I can't face simple changes of which I have no control and have to do which hurts my heart and I do it so unwillingly. I know we live in an "I" world, and I can't understand the thoughts and feelings of others so why do I unrealistically believe they should understand mine? It's like standing all day, everyday and banging my head at a brick wall, knowing I should stop, knowing I can't, knowing no one will come intervene and help me stop, and knowing I am a simple cog in the family that is sometimes never noticed until my small part sticks and stops the entire wheel from turning and knowing I am the one that will be filed, oiled and recrammed into position for the wheel to work smoothly once again to match the rest of the wheel. I am so just so very tired.