A Snob is born

To my utter amazement something happen tonight that totally shocked, startled and sickened me. I am just an ordinary country girl,never had much and chances are never will. When I have I give when I don't I sometimes even still give.
So when I walked in the laundamat tonight to do my laundry, I was accosted with these wierd feelings.
The laundramat was dirty, and I didn't want to touch the machines, nor did I wish to sit on the yucky metal benches to await my completion of laundry duties.
This was the first time I have had to go out to do my laundry since Leah and Scott were very little. If I remember correctly I never had these feeling then.
Was this snobbery. I looked around at the people their and found them similar to me. No one was dirty or homeless looking. Drug deals were not going down, prostitute's were not looking for a john. Instead just normal looking people like me.

I went home and continued to get ready for the evening. I was at my daughters home. She had just gotten married and I was at her home while she was on her honeymoon.
I ran my bath, gathered my clothes to prepare for work. Shivers went down my spine, there in the corner of the tub, almost to be touched by the water and drawn into my bathwater was a small chunk of black hair. My granddaughters most likely. It took all I had to get a tissue and grasp it and toss it away. For goodness sake I have washed that hair, brushed it even kissed it. I was appalled there again was the icy icky feeling I am a snob.
Ok I am a snob, I can change and find myself once again in the midst of normal loving people. Snobs beware.....Marcia beware....... I smile thank you God I am thankful I am a typical child of God and Snob or not I smile.

This room is so hot

My room is at the back of the house. This morning when I got here everything was cool and comfortable. I woke up at 6 my sheets wet and sweating like a pig. I guess as the hsun came down in the west it heated. I don't think there is much insulation in the walls.
Really rough as I am trying not to use the ac as much as possible.
A couple of hours left to cool off before work, maybe I should lay in cool water awhile?

Boyz to men well maybe not.

Last night I had a CPR class at the church my son in law ministers at. 5 guys and 2 ladies. My thats a recipe for disaster right there. Sure enough one guy peeping at phone under table all night, one looking totaly bored and doodling on paper. Then there was the class clown. If he wasn't playing with the baby face for the dummy...he was cracking jokes and answering first aid questions ( just pee on it)
No the class clown myself I wanted to join in but teacher in me wanted to control and get on with class and blow the dummies and leave. Wow what a long night...One guy was paying attention and aced it. There is hope:)

A most boring day

For most people, I think this would have been a good day. I slept til almost 11, then called daughter and met them both for lunch. I returned CPR stuff back to hospital(now that is another story, still recouping) came home slept til 7 played on computer read a bit and now getting ready for work.
Relaxing huh? I find it hard to relax and do nothing. I think give me a ac or dool breeze, a cold drink a book and I should be fine. No instead I am thinking I must clean out my closet, clean out my car, do some laundry, thoughts that interfer with a good relax, ya know? Is that a word a good relax?

A empty mind no thoughts to get up and do something worthwhile, yeah now that I need, A good relax...I'll try again tomorrow. But then I have ironing, and I need to go to walmart, take in a dress for daughters wedding, watch a movie I have finish a book I am reading yeah all this running through my mind already and tomorrow hasn't come.

Twittering Fool

What is the overpowering desire to write abosuletly nothing for others to read and in turn read their nothings. This twitter thing is fun, interesting and totally unnecessary or does it accomplish athing. But I am a fool, I love it.
Why is it we think that our thoughts and views are of such interest to others we must give that view at every chance or every avenue we can find? Is it not enough to talk yourself blue, listen to every conversation, insert your view, write on boards,emails and twittering place you can find? I am sure just like this post there isn't anything of real value that must be recorded for prosterity's sake. My children aren't interested in my ramblings, nor most friends, but I still type away.tweeting for fellow twitters who twit our lives away.

I need the oilcan tin man

Gee this one is a hard thing to put down. Lord I feel so inadeqant. I can't retain all the knowledge I need to change the situation I am in. When I do and try to put it to application, it seems that something always makes it a bad thing. I can't explain what I feel and thing in a sensiable way so that my children and friends understand it. I can't coherantly put together a simple plan to change what I need to change. I can't face simple changes of which I have no control and have to do which hurts my heart and I do it so unwillingly. I know we live in an "I" world, and I can't understand the thoughts and feelings of others so why do I unrealistically believe they should understand mine? It's like standing all day, everyday and banging my head at a brick wall, knowing I should stop, knowing I can't, knowing no one will come intervene and help me stop, and knowing I am a simple cog in the family that is sometimes never noticed until my small part sticks and stops the entire wheel from turning and knowing I am the one that will be filed, oiled and recrammed into position for the wheel to work smoothly once again to match the rest of the wheel. I am so just so very tired.

Over, Again

Well I am all, shall we say, settled in my room. I am still not crazy about it, except for my bed. No longer do I have a bar in my back..yeah...
Sometimes I go to reach for something and remember I no longer have it or its in storage. I got so dependent on my things. I guess most people do to, if they admit it.
My daughter will say now do you want it or need it...well actually I have gotten rid of so much of me in my stuff I can actually say for now I need it.
I feel so down and out, because all I do is sleep and work with a few and far between moments of entertainment. This is not how life was suppose to be at almost 60. I am in therapy, I have tried journals and now blogging. But writing so far doesn't seem to help at all. But I will keep it up...I can't get back into my cute diary that had so many entries..so I am starting over...yet again.