Time to be selfish???

When is the time in life to be selfish? Is there a time to think of yourself? I thought there was. Yes many a time I gave into my mom's need to dress me in what she made..how I wanted a dress I chose from a store. I wanted to learn to cook..but it aggravated my mom to have me underfoot in her kitchen or she complained of how I did it. So instead I found other things to keep me out of her way.
My friends spoke ill of a sweet brown eyed boy that took time each day to walk me home. He carried my books and we held hand and walked in silence. He came home on leave as a Marine and took me to a football game in Amarillo. We rode in silence holding hands and I received kisses to my forehead occasionally as the miles went by. How I thrived in the quietness with a warm hand holding mine.

When as a young wife and mother I looked forward to time out of the house on my husbands nights off, but he wanted to sit home and rest. How selfish I was to want to go out.

My kids as teenagers always going, doing, wanting, needing. I ate cinnamon toast once a day so they had lunch money. I wore pants with seams sewn in leg and rayon blouses so they could have Jordash and Calvin Klein jeans and rabbit coats. Yes I was selfish to what they wanted over me.
They are grown with kids and grand kids of their own. How many times my weekends were taken with grand kids and errands for them and how very much I miss it now. Stolen time that is now gone and cannot be redeemed. How special the sweet moments when Raina says I Love You or Salem ask are you ok? How selfish I long to be. Precious time squeezed in with daughters, wonderful fast snatched moments that linger in my heart and mind. Selfish moments stolen and frozen in time.
I remember been shooed away from my mom and grandmothers way as they worked and I want to pull my grand kids into my world for times to freeze smiles, tears and gentle words. Yes selfish I long to be.
Times to touch, caress and joyfully embrace. Times to be included and enjoyed not tolerated or simply be in presence of. To be apart to be selfish of every nano second. Remembering love in young fresh faced boys and rowdy men in my life to remember and thrive and be selfish again.